Fathership-Do and Partnership-Do: The Way of Imperfection

In Japan, the tea ceremony is known as Sado, meaning “the Way of Tea”.

It is highly ceremonial. Every step is choreographed. To the outsider, and given the history and extensive training required, it looks like the goal is perfection.

But the word Do (Way) indicates something else: that it’s always a practice. You never "win" the tea ceremony. You are ever simply practicing the way of doing it.

You are acknowledging that you will never perfect it, but you commit to the form and improvement therein nonetheless.

I LOVE this. It relieves the pressure of doing things perfectly.

This made me reflect on the practices in my life - specifically in my own home - and the ways I fall short but keep trying. The Do in my life.

Fatherhood-do: I mess up often as a father, and fall short of my own expectations. I lose my patience. I say the wrong thing, make the wrong decision. But if I view fatherhood as a Do, as a Way, then the mistakes are part of the practice.

What actually makes me a good father isn't the absence of error - it’s the commitment to the practice, commitment to working on it (and myself), and trying to do it better next time. Again and again.

Partnership-do: Yeah, I fall short a lot here too. I misunderstand and don’t correct, I withdraw into silence, I’m critical when I should be compassionate. But same thing - seeing it as a way, like the tea ceremony, partnership becomes an ongoing practice and not something to be perfected.

Partnership like parenting is not something you finish - it is something you tend to, and work at. And use the mistakes as signposts along the journey. When I fall short, the Do reminds me that the failure isn't the end. The magic is in the repair.

And like parenting, what then makes me a good partner is my commitment to growing, improving, to trying my ass off to do it a little bit better at the next opportunity. ❤️