Soft Front, Strong Back

There is a Zen metaphor, taught by Roshi Joan Halifax, that I’m holding onto a lot nowadays. It is an aspiration for how to show up in the world, especially in difficult interpersonal situations.

Soft Front, Strong Back.

The Soft Front This is the practice of keeping our hearts open. It is the willingness to receive the world, to let others in, and to truly connect. It means staying compassionate and empathetic even when we are afraid.

The Strong Back This is our spine. It is our integrity. It allows us to stay poised and authentic to who we are, even when the "soft front" is being challenged by someone else's anger or disagreement. It is the ability to stay grounded when we are thrown off balance.

The Trap: Strong Front, Soft Back Many of us often do the opposite. We walk through the world with a Strong Front and a Soft Back. Because we feel a core weakness or fear of collapsing (Soft Back), we armor up. We create a hard, defensive shell (Strong Front) to keep people at bay. We think this protects us, but it actually isolates us. It prevents the very connection we crave.

The practice is to reverse it. To trust our back enough that we can afford to soften our front. To be strong enough to be vulnerable.