The Choice Point: Toward vs. Away
In Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), there is a concept called the Choice Point.
It is simple, but it changes everything. In any given moment—when faced with a difficult feeling, a thought, or a situation—we have a choice. We can make a move in one of two directions:
Toward Moves: Actions that move us toward our values and the life we want to build.
Away Moves: Actions that move us away from discomfort, fear, or pain. These are usually old patterns of avoidance.
The Trap of the "Big Decision" We tend to focus on the massive "Inflection Points" in life (moving cities, changing jobs). But the truth is, our path is created in the micro-moments.
Do I act from authenticity, or do I perform for safety?
Do I pause and check in, or do I react and defend?
Do I speak up, or do I stay silent to keep the peace?
The Practice For me, a core value is Authenticity. So, a "Toward Move" looks like showing up real—even if it's messy, even if I'm unshaven, even if I don't have the perfect words. An "Away Move" would be polishing myself until I am unrecognizable but "safe."
These are the little forks in the road. We face hundreds of them a day. We don't have to get them all right. We just need to notice them.
In the video below, I talk about choice points and a small choice point I faced this morning: the urge to "perform" perfection versus the choice to show up messy and real.
